Hello everyone. How are you? Recovery is the hardest part of every illness, I think. It might take months and years..But it will eventually work. I want to share my recovery from major depressive disorder and anxiety.
My mental illness started a while ago, probably 3-4 years ago. My 'official' recovery started in february 2014 but I wasn't ready for it. It was too soon. One thing I've learned is that with depression you need a lot of time and patience. It's something so deep and personal and can not be treated within a few weeks. The real recovery starts when you are ready for it and when you tell yourself now I am getting better and I feel healthy. It's when you can handle things on your own-at least most of the time. My real recovery started in March. I'm not quite sure though. I decided to recover and I decided to be happy again. Why? I was fed up with this shitty life I was living. I used to be at home alone crying about all the things I haven't done. because of depression. One day I just said to myself : OK that's enough I'm going out. That was it. I went out, met a new guy and since then, I've been meeting tons of new people, I've been going out with my new friends and I've never felt happier. Everything is in your hands you just need to wait for the right time. You need to take some time to heal yourself, to truly understand what your soul needs. After you realise it, everything will change and you will grow. All you need is some time and to forgive yourself. Do it. Please.
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pondelok 18. apríla 2016
Hello. I really miss blogging. I miss taking pictures of nature and embarassing outfits. I miss doing "dear diary".
In the past, I used to say that I'm sick and tired to do anything because of my depression. Now I can proudly say that I'm too busy with friends and other activities! I like my "new life", however I really do miss blogging.
For the longest time, I've wanted to be a fashion and beauty blogger and I still do but don't get me wrong, now I feel like I have so much more to share with people. I want to share things I've learned, experiences I've gained over the past 3-4 years. I want to make content which can be helpful and valuable for others. I want to make this blog something like my diary, journal and place where I can meet with people and share my interests with them. I want to be able to express myself in the best way possible.
I want to write about everything in life. I want your feedback.
Everything's in my hands and I want to be active on my blog. We will see how it all turns out!
Today, I want to talk to you about style. Everyone has different preferences, so it's only natural that everyone dresses somewhat different. People tend to get a bit judgemental if they don't like what you wear and that's normal (only if it doesn't affect you in a bad way). Frankly, I think everyone should wear whatever they want. I don't give a damn about what you have on since it is your body and your life. I encourage you to wear what you want and love it, because there will always be that 'hater'. I want you to dress how you truly want. If you want to follow trends, great do it! If you don't, that's amazing too!
The reason why I'm telling you this is because I used to adjust to other people. I didn't dress how I truly wanted, because I thought others won't like it. And that's wrong, because I shouldn't have cared about others.
Now, I dress how I want. Of course, sometimes I get insecured and don't want to put on that crazy stuff I usually wear.
Always remember, no matter what, be yourself and express yourself the way you want. It's your life.
Do whatever you want and do not be scared what others think. Live your life the way you want and don't let others ruin it. If you want to dance, then dance. If you want to smoke, smoke. If you want to sing loudly, just do it! Breathe and let your soul be happy, because one day you will wake up and realise you are 48 years old and you didn't live the way you wanted. You won't regret the things you have done, you will regret the things you have never ended up doing.
Everything is in your hands. Appreciate it and make the best of it. Good luck.
Hello, everybody. Haven't seen ya in a while huh? I'm sorry. Today's topic is more on the serious side, mainly because I think it's important for people to know more about mental illnesses. I mean real mental illnesses. No glamorization. Just the truth.
I've been struggling with depression for over 3 years. You may say it's not that long but to be honest, it took a big part of my teenage years, which happens to be the best years of our lives. Well, not for me. If you don't exactly know what depression is, just look it up on wikipedia. Depression took a lot of things away from me. I want to share it with you. Maybe you also know someone who is struggling and this might help you understand that person better.
Depression took my friends away. I used to be really talkative and sociable. Right now I am so anxious that sometimes I don't leave my house. I don't wanna meet with people because I'm scared I'll annoy them or I'll embarrass myself. I get so self-conscious and unsure, I start blushing and sweating. I stopped talking to half of the people in the picture. I don't know why. I used to sit at home crying, because I felt so alone yet I couldn't keep up with my friends or make new ones. So I lost them.
Depression made me stop with dance. In 2013, I think, it got so intense I wasn't able to go to the classes. I had to quit. Luckily, I participate in Cheerleading and I'm trying to get better and bring my passion for dance back.
Depression took all of my interests away. I need to find them again. It left me with blank space in my head.
Depression took my physical health away. From all those pills and other stuff my body's always shaking and sweating. My stomach always hurts as well as my head. My hair is falling off and my acne has never been worse. Insomnia came with depression as well and it's almost impossible for me to sleep properly.
Depression made my world black and grey. Nothing would give me pleasure or even joy. Everything was black and sad. My clothes, my vision, my soul.. I remember what my father once said: 'You look so bad in dark colours. What happened? You used to be way more colourful.' I guess I have to find my colours back.
But the most important thing depression stole from me was 'me'. I lost myself. My true self. My personality. I don't know who I am. Will I ever know? I desperately wanted to be loved that I changed over and over again until one day I found out that I'm someone I don't know. I'm a walking body, a confused soul.
But on the other hand, depression has taught me a lot of different things that I want to talk about in my next post. Would you like to see a post like that? Let me know.
"All i have left to decide is whether or not to put on the life vest before throwing myself into the ocean that is waiting for me to die,
Some nights i cry because i miss the breath of my demons sleeping next to me. Some nights i cry because they take up too much of my bed. Some nights i cry because the darkness doesn't let me see, Some nights i cry because i have a monster as a pet. And i feed it well. I hate how much i love it. Its name is depression." COMMENT&FOLLOW
