utorok 26. mája 2020

Just sometimes

Sometimes I do worry that something is wrong with me. I am incomplete. Some pieces are missing. Some pieces are falling. Some pieces have been taken away. Some pieces were abused. Some were abandoned. I like this quote that says: How can you find peace, when you are in pieces? Sometimes I wonder if I can collect them or  if I should just start building new ones. With a strong foundation. Like a building. Something tall and big and strong whispering I am whole again. But what if I end up just building walls?

This isn't new for me. I have been through this many times. I have seen worse. However, I have never learned how to win this quite completely, it always comes back.

It gets tiresome, you know? It's been 7 years. Sometimes I wish I could get a peek of what could have happened if I was happy. Sometimes I do get that glance and I am forever grateful. But it doesn't change anything. Clinging on the thought of happiness gets exhausting and I can't fully experience the feeling because I feel like something is wrong that something bad is coming. My normal became sad years ago and when I'm 'out of my normal' I feel strange.

Sometimes I wish I was a little bit stronger.

2 komentáre:

  1. Honey, I´ve built up a whole fortification and nope, I do not regret it. Living in my own world and make it "real" even in the "true" reality around me, makes me truly happy. I don´t care about the others and their stuff anymore. I am living MY own life, not their and I will also not let anyone to live mine :-) Sometimes I also feel like being broke into pieces glued together or not even glued at all, but during those times, I tend to think that all those pieces of me are actually my small tiny friends so I am not alone going my way, lol. It´s just HOW you look at it and HOW you feel about it. And since my nature is "a funny one", I am making jokes of everything, haha. It helps me a lot when I do struggle, too. To be honest, I´ve been in this existential crisis for hmm 7-8 years maybe & sometimes, I´d love to peak in the future so I can see my future self how is her doing. Or if she is "at least" doing .. :-) But well, I do not want to end my comment with this dark tone, so I am sending you all of my virtual love and support ♥ If you would like to talk about it more, you can text me on IG or wherever else ^^~ I don´t mind meeting in person either. I hope everything will get better soon so I can be inspired by your colourful and playful makeup looks ♥ Stay strong ~

    1. Your perspective of the pieces being your friends actually blew me away. I've never ever thought of it like that- maybe bc I could never see myself as a friend to me. I'm sending you all the love, too. 💜 Hopefully, you are doing great. Thank you so much for your support, you truly are the kindest!