TRIP TO ŽILINA

Hello!

I'm going through a really hard time and it's hard for me to edit outfit photos so instead I have some random pictures I took on my trip. I'm really sorry and I'll post as soon as possible. Hopefully, I'll get better soon because it feels like I'm slowly dying inside...and I'm scared I will not be able to stand it.

(NOT SO SWEET) 18

Hello everyone.

I'd turned 18 on Wednesday. I know I should be happy about it. I'm an official adult. I can vote and I can buy cigarettes in every shop. The real issue is that I have never asked for this. I don't want this.

I'm lost in life. I'm not who I want to be and I'm afraid to be myself. I'm living in a cage made of my own insecurities. I'm living with a huge shadow in my head. It's getting bigger and bigger everyday. Sometimes I feel like life isn't for me. I've been struggling for too long and I still can't handle it.

I've been having nightmares for about 2 weeks. I can't get rid of them and they scare me so bad that I don't want to sleep because they seem so real. I don't know what causes this irrational fear. Presumably, it's because I associate this period of time (my b-day) with going to the hospital. I went there in the 9th grade which was 3 years ago. It still hauts me.

I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. I guess I need to find my way and eventually, let myself to be happy and free.

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LONG TIME NO SEE

Long time no see & Happy New year!! :)

How are you all doing? I have been so innactive since last year and I do have a reason for that. In one of my previous posts I wrote about my health getting bad again. Due to my really annoying health problems I could not post on my blog, but I was still active on my instagram (@jayypam).

How has been your 2017 so far? I would love to know! I have had some rough days, but you know new year new motivation (so lame).

One fact you did not know is that my bestie ALEX  (click) visited me. I had such a great time with my baby and I can not wait to see her again! She is my sunshine.

In today's post I'm gonna insert a few pictures from my trip to Dedinky.(click) Alex, my boyfriend and I went to my family's cottage and we also spent New Year's Eve there. Enjoy the pictures and I will talk to you soon!

Disclaimer: Pictures are unedited.

EN ROUTE #GOLDENSANDS BULGARIA - The last day+ OOTD

*TRAVEL DIARIES*

Hello everybody! How are you?

I must admit I am not in Bulgaria anymore, but frankly the WiFi in our hotel was so bad, I just could not be bothered to post anything. So, I am back! I am in Romania righ now. Actually, I am leaving tomorrow and finally going home from this 2 weeks long vacation. I am happy to go home. I want to be in my bed again and meet my friends. I will do an uptade on my social life soon because I think you would find it interesting. Enough rambling now. Enjoy my last post from Golden Sands! :) (and look forward to post from Targoviste, Romania!)

DEAR DIARY- I AM CONFUSED

Hello everybody! How are you?

Today I felt like I should write a post just to explain you a few things, such as why I've been inactive. To tell you the truth, I've just been confused and lost between my friend depression and craziness in school. After 3 years of knowing my friend Debbie I've learned that it's a way easier to handle things when you are in a good mood. I've also learned that when you sleep properly everything seems easier. Lately, I haven't been feeling as good and that caused my absence. I miss blogging but I can't do it if I'm in stress and I take it like duty. It's not fun then. I don't want to feel like my blog is a chore, I want to have fun with it and enjoy it. Have you ever felt like this before?

Another thing is that I haven't been putting any effort to anything, my makeup and outfits for instance. I just don't have time for that. And even if I had, it wouldn't change a thing. There's a lack of inspiration as well.

What's more, I don't feel comfortable with my posts anymore. I feel like I'm posting things you don't wanna see. Like you are not interested. Also, I'm scared to post what I truly want because I'm too scared about what you would think about it. I love beauty, but I don't write about it because I think you wouldn't like it. I feel really insecured.

What do you think? What should I write about? Let me know!

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